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The Colbert Report/Episode/503
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Big news Caroline Kennedy has removed her name from consideration to fill Hillary Clinton's Senate seat * Dr. Colbert has been working on his Caroline Kennedy imitation for weeks ** he consents to perform for The Heroes; it is magical *** all that's missing is a wig and an enormous set of teeth An Historic Day * Obama and Roberts free-balled the oath * Stephen loves improv, suggesting they do it again as a Western or a SciFi * they do the oath again after everyone has left * Near-President Obama * Stephen swears on a Bible before brushing his teeth otherwise his teeth won't know if he's serious about tartar control * there is no formal name for what Obama and Roberts did * Ben Franklin's idea to call whoever is on camera (stage) gets to be President into the Constitutuion * these troubled times call for more vibrato UnAmerican News * Europe's Obimanya is similar to America's Obamania, except it's played through an alp horn * African inauguration ceremony's involve slaughtering the previous President * the Palestinians are already disappointed ** by law they have to feel the opposite of whatever Israel feels * Iran put joy back under a burqa * the hand of Satan is where it's always been ** Dick Cheney uses it to make wished * China censored parts of Obama's speech ** Stephen also altered it to take out parts he doesn't like Better Know A Lobby * we entered a new era in Washington, Obama wants to reign in lobbyists * Sixth installment, Better Know A Lobby: NAACP, the Fightin' Coloreds! * ever since African-Americans were invented in the late 16th century, they've had to overcome great struggles ** they have overcome slavery to become anything from educators to Starship Engineers * fought key civil rights battles ** de-segregated schools ** defeated David Duke in Louisiana * Benjamin Jealous ** he is national president and chief executive officer of the NAACP ** he is black * he has great timing and great judgment * wants a floor for how all people are treated * 100 anniversary on February 12th * is being stubborn about race and racism * when you do well, you reach back to pull forward * grab somebody and give them a reach around ** and a leg up * he is satisfied that racism continues * by the end of the decade we may put a black man on the moon * why not just have everyone be white, then there's not racism * he doesn't dream big enough ** like Dr. King * there's a chance that Stephen could be black! Interview * Jon Meacham * "American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House" * wrote a book about Andrew Jackson whose nickname was old hickory because after he died, they smoked him * named after an African animal ** America's first black President * Jackson carried 2 bullets in him ** could have taken Washington * used veto as a political weapons * populist ** founded American populism * I am the direct representative of the American people * why Jackson now ** without Jackson, there wouldn't have been a Lincoln * Jackson's regrets: shot Calhoun, hanged Henry Clay * Meacham bashes South Carolina ** last time he bashed Stephen's church * Jackson's inaugural ** people clogging on the table ** lots of beer ** a big wheel of cheese ** White House became a frat house * Jackson had a solemn oath, sensible address ** spiked punch was put on the lawn, people crawled out the windows to get it Epilogue * Dr. Colbert reminds the kids that if they're playing at home, the secret word is: ** "Refreshing Sierra Mist" * To be a winner, find the secret word at the grocery store and get your mom to buy all of it! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image:ReinAndHarnessLobby.jpg Image:BetterKnowLobby.jpg Image:LeVarBurtonFromSlavery2Starship.jpg Image:CampaignThatDefeatedDuke.jpg Image:BenjaminJealousBNAL1-22-2009.jpg Image:IgnoresUnmetExpectations.jpg Image:BJealousSColbertBNAL.jpg Image:IntroJMeacham1-22-2009.jpg Image:JonMeacham1-22-2009.jpg Image:BOOKAmericanLion.jpg Image:JMeachamSColbert1-22-2009.jpg Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments